2 am thoughts

It’s 2 am. I’m awake. I’m staring at the street light.

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It feels like what my life was like a couple of months back, when I used to surf the net for several articles, watch movies, write. The time of the day which allowed me to be honest and at peace.

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I miss my computer which is back there in Guwahati. I loved the fact that I never worried about its battery dropping to 5%, because it was always plugged, had a direct supply to electricity. Nowadays I live with a fear that phone’s battery might run out anytime and that my window to the virtual world might shut, because the internet signals here are weak and sometimes they stray elsewhere.
And, no, for the last time, neither my college nor my hostel provide WiFi facilities. Let alone WiFi, they don’t even provide us with enough and easily accessible plug points.
I started out as a slightly trusting person, only to be embarrassed by a classmate within these few days time. These days I come across many facepalm moments. But you know, you gotta push that smile onto your face, for at least these initial days, for the love of the next delicious meal you’ll have. Man.
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Well, the alone time we all need is a luxury too. I get that only in the toilet. When I talk on the phone people assume I’m talking with my boyfriend and give this idiotic derp-y smile. I might be talking to the Batman too, but that’s none of their business.

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I miss the peace of mind I earlier owned. I don’t have much idea about what it takes to enjoy hostel life like I see others doing. I took a go at gossiping. I’m done with gossiping. My jaws hurt due to talking and smiling without any rhyme or reason. Also, I realised that perhaps gossiping is an art, and I suck at it, without any puny doubt.
I miss going on drives through the city with my parents, during which I used to sit on the backseat and stare outside the window like a dog with my tongue sticking outside and getting blown backward due to the wind. Most of this pretty description is true.

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I miss holding the hands of people I love and trust with all of me, embracing them, telling them about my feelings, in person and not over the phone. In this aspect, my life sucks right now.

The only thing I don’t miss right now is being a loner. Being so isn’t bad for someone with jaws so weak that they pain after talking for awhile. So, in a classroom in the absence of a teacher, while others chat, I doodle at one corner of the black/white board with a chalk/marker, with so much glee.

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Also, I keep taking pictures of dogs, crows, squirrels, lizards and caterpillars in my college, because that’s the kind of weird I love to be.

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